We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
