Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
