I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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