Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
