I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
