she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
