Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
