What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
