I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
