I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
