just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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