Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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