he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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