Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
