Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
