Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
