plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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