We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
