Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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