i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
