Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
