i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
