I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
