They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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