So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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