she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
