my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
