So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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