I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
