i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
