im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
