I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Randomize
