So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
