I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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