you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
