When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
