Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
