This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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