Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
