You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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