I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
