Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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