dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
