Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
