she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
