Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
