two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
