I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
