"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
