the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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