i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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