I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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