I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
